Have you ever started singing a tune of your own imagination, and tried to keep a rhyme going while doing so? How about just writing silly rhymes or songs about ongoing life experiences or of those around you? Well regardless of what you answered, I recently stumbled onto some really lame song lyrics, that I had written many years back and I thought, why don't I share this mess with the denizens of the internet?
So with that said, let us begin!!!
So we will start with the latest that I found, which is "Love Trapezoid" that I wrote back in 2013 for a dear colleague/work neighbor, who attracts all dem boys to her yard. (Full of inside jokes, but with a good melody I think it has the potential of a feel good Valentine's day song for those of us who just can't choose :P)
**Love Trapezoid**
Chorus
♫♪ You can't escape the void
That is a Love Trapezoid
Whether slanted or in a straight line
It'll lead to rumors from the grape vine
First Angle
This guy's a supervisor, the lead of his team
He acts cool and shy, but he's too mainstream
Bringing sweets, for no less than a week
Thinks that puts him on a winning streak
Continuous with these chocolates, creamy and Swiss
"He appears out of nowhere, and assaults me with a kiss
Pshh, He don't know me, I ain't his reward
Bad enough he broke my ninja sword (oooh!)"
(Chorus)
Second Angle
He's a mystery, a straight up G.
Arrived on the scene instantaneously
Don't know much about his true intent
Made a good first impression, nothing to resent
Don't matter where we went
From me not a dime was spent
"He be fit, he be foine
I just need him to be mine #yolo"
(Chorus)
Third Angle
The last member of this trapezoid
Is ugly and a mongoloid
not in the literal sense
but let's be honest, he's quite dense
Not very interesting, again, just being honest
I mean, Grace is pretty cute, and that's her being "modest"
(Chorus)
*Getting texts all night
Must be doing something right
A female Charlie Sheen
If you know what I mean! ♫♪
*Sing this verse twice, once normal, second time slow to end the song
NOTE: Grace, my colleague, is the forth angle before any of ya'll get smart with me.
--
Now I know you were probably jamming, as love trapezoid is way better than a love triangle, I mean that's just geometric loving right there, but we need to move on. This second song was written in 2011, my friends had a thrash metal-esque band and they would always invite me to play with them in their jam sessions, not to brag but I played a mean pair of maracas. *Shake, shake, shake* Anyhow, they had some songs inspired by funny things and people from our High school years, because of this I decided to make a real quick "song" for them to mess with, simply titled "The Legend of Crab Girl"... Now before you go thinking she was some sort of floozy that had contracted genital crabs, that's not the case, this is about a girl who would play crab soccer by herself near ice and snow, for no particular reason other than the fact that it would relax her, however as is customary in school, behavior like that will get fake origin stories and therein lies the inspiration for this lame ditty;
**The Legend of Crab Girl**
♫♪ When it’s cold, and you go to lunch
You can’t help but get a hunch
That a female of some sort
Will come out to play a sport
So quiet and still
You get a sudden chill
You hear her coming, this is not a drill!!!
(Chorus)
She’s a Crab Girl, she’s creepy not nice!!!
Scuttling around in the ice!!!
She’s a crab girl, crab soccer is her power!!
When you see her it’s your final hour!!
In the courtyard, her domain!!
You can’t escape neither in sun or rain!!
You’ll die like Napoleon at Waterloo!!
Especially when she hops like a Kangaroo!!
She creeps and crawls
And kicks some balls
Forever to freak you out
Is there no savior, must we fall and doubt!?!?
(Chorus)
She’s a Crab Girl, she’s creepy not nice!!!
Scuttling around in the ice!!!
She’s a Crab Girl, crab soccer is her power!!
When you see her it’s your final hour!!
Prophecy tells of a man named Joe
Who is said to attack from both high and low
Summon him to end all woe
And finish off that crabby hoe
Just believe that it’s alright
To pummel her with all your might
She’s freaky and that’s not ok
At least not in that way!
(Chorus)
She’s a Crab Girl, she’s creepy not nice!!!
Scuttling around in the ice!!!
She’s a Crab Girl, crab soccer is her power!!
When you see her it’s your final hour!! ♫♪
--
Hmm... I had some lazy and questionable rhymes in that one, but I suppose it's not that bad, with a good power metal riff it could be quite an amazing music video someday! Anyhow enough about that noise, let's move on to more office romance inspired tunes, that's right, talkin' about that 2010 classic, "Backwards Shades Wearin` Cheater"; this song was inspired by a really clueless colleague and the man who was pulling her strings as it were, it became so obvious to all but her I decided to write a song about it, very passive aggressive no?
**Backwards Shades Wearin` Cheater**
♫♪I thought their love would last forever--
They thought it was a secret but it wasn´t very clever--
Their love had darted off like an Olympic sprinter--
But it crashed and burned like an Hp Printer--
His sight was clouded and his shades were backwards!
To face his love, would make him brave, but he´s a coward!!!
He would violate his lover´s hand--
And he wouldn´t stop until her command--
(An instrumental of some sort...change pace)
But now as Allan went to the mall--
He saw this cheater standing proud and tall--
Gripping the hand of another, full of saliva and sweat!
He looked at his new love like he would´ve his pet!!
Rubbing her hand as if it were CHO-CO-LATE!!!
When he´s working he seems faithful and true!
He fooled everyone, even me and you--
But when this cheater is at the mall, he knows what he´ll want!
Be it fat, skinny, or that blonde from Vermont!!
He´ll now be known as a cheating Dog!
(say this verse fast so it stays in tempo) Which is ironic because he ¨hecho los perros¨ with his witty dialogue!!!
(chorus x2)
He´s a backwards shades wearin´ cheater--
He´s made a decision that could´ve been sweeter--
(another small instrumental of some sort...making the song slow down and more melodic...)
So devious he´s like a wolf wearing fleece---
(slow)And he probably prefers, Naruto to One Piece---- ♫♪
--
*Wipes away single tear* Oh, you are still here? Well I hope you enjoyed coming on this personal nostalgia trip of mine, full of nonsensical song and rhyme; wish you all a wonderful day, and I would like to encourage you to send me any and all of your old, songs, plays, poems, love letters, grocery lists, whatever you want to share! ♥
Much Love, Wachi
PS. If anyone with actual musical talent wants to sing one of these songs, all I ask is I get some credit, otherwise, feel free!
PSS. In case anyone was curious, I have actually helped with someone's song lyrics, it is for a reggae song call "Where is The Love" which is sang by a good friend of mine, I helped with the chorus and one of the verses, the rest is all him. Here's the link in case ya'll want to check it out;
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