Wachi's Theories: "Onions the spawn of all that is wrong!!" Pt. 2

--Wachi's theories! Theories so out of the blue, they must be true!--

Brotatos and Sislery sticks to me!! We got another layer off to the Onionlluminati's schemes and I wanted to share this "truth" with all of you. *turns on spooky music* 

Theory 4:
Onion Toupee
So there's this "scientific" discovery AKA abomination where you can create onion rinse in order to grow lost hair back. Here's the quick an easy steps the internet gives for the formula of natural hair growth via onion...

How to Make Onion Rinse For Hair Growth
Onion juice for hair growth
·  Peel the onions and chop them into small pieces.
·  Squeeze the juice out. To extract the juice, you can use a food processor, a blender, a grater or a juicer.
· Massage the juice into your scalp or cover the bald patches.
· Leave on for at least 15 minutes (longer if you can tolerate the smell) and then wash out using a mild shampoo.

Now I am sure you can see what is wrong with this aside from the fact that it's onion, that's right, in step three it literally asks you to rub the onion extract on your scalp, specifically on bald spots, AKA the VULNERABLE spots!! Research goes on to say that "The sulfur content in the juice also has anti-bacterial properties and prevents the growth of fungi and bacteria on the scalp which reduces the chances of losing hair due to these infections. Onion juice increases the strength of the 'hair' and prevents thinning and breakage. You can achieve improved volume to your hair by regularly applying the onion juice on the scalp."

Now as you can see research claims it prevents growth of fungi ON the scalp, but there has also been mention that this juice travels down the follicle holes to improve "blood circulation" so who is to say the fungi doesn't grow in the blood stream, or worse, IN THE BRAIN!!??!!

Do you know why the hair is stronger when it is onion born? Because it isn't real hair, it is onion roots, of the onion fungus that you are allowing to grow in your head, making you completely vulnerable to Onionlluminati brain control!!! You are losing your freewill in flavor selection for the promise of a full head of hair... VANITY!? You tell me, is vanity truly more desirable than the freedom in choosing french fries over onion rings? I thought not.

Not only this but there is another claim about onion juice's effects on our hair, and I quote, "It has been found that onion juice is also effective in preventing premature(or otherwise) graying of hair." DO YOU SEE THIS MY READERS!? DO YOU!??!? No more gray hair, gray hair is the universal sign for a crown of WISDOM!! The Onionlluminati doesn't want you to be wise, they want you to be stupid and with good hair so you don't realize the "dumb-ification" occurring within your very mind!!

Now I hear you back there, yeah you; "But if it's beneficial for your health, then maybe it's actually a scientific discovery and has nothing to do with secret onion cults!!" and fair enough, it may have been an innocent discovery that the Onionlluminati had nothing to do with, and may decide not to capitalize on, HOWEVER, if that were the case, why when I went to Subway for breakfast did the sandwich artist slip a sliver of onion into my cucumber slices? Assassination attempt for no reason? No I say, it must be because we are getting close to the final layer, of the tear inducing truth that is the Onionlluminati, and their New World (Anti-Garlic) Order!!

Beware the all-seeing Eyenion!!!

*turns off spooky music* So with that I end another segment of Wachi's theories, the Onionlluminati will not rest, so how can I? I hope you all enjoyed it, and if you have any theories of your own, onion/food related or otherwise, I'd love to hear about them; together peeling the layers off of the oddities in today's world!!

See you around!

Much Love,
Wachi