Hello All,
This post will be a bit different as it is regarding a topic many consider a huge problem in society, I am of course referring to Bullying. Now, I was a scrawny weird kid, and therefore a prime target for bullying, however, I never was afflicted by bullies due to how I handled it whenever they would arise, I personally found it so easy to do that I honestly have trouble empathizing with those who suffer non-physical types of bullying, such as verbal, or cyber. That said, let's try and get to the root of why many some of us are bullied, and some personal tips that may help you getting a bully off of your or a loved one's back.
Now, What is Bullying?
Bullying is defined as unwanted violent or aggressive physical contact, words or actions to cause another person injury or discomfort; that said, in the minds of many earlier generations, I include mine in this (the 90s), bullying is normally thought of as the big kid or small group of tough kids that would pick on other kids with classic antics such as name-calling, swirlies, wet-willies, wedgies, the stealing of lunch money, and trapping in lockers. Now, however unpleasant these experiences were they were usually finished after the school day ended and the victims returned home. This however is no longer the case, with things like cyber bullying, a concept which I personally still don't quite understand to be honest with you all, as the bullying can continue by way of texts, and social media posts, meaning that the bully has access to his prey for all 24 hours of the day, that is to say, "no escape".
So with this in mind, we need to understand why people are bullied in the first place, and all types of bullying one may experience in order to better find a way to avoid/overcome such a situation.
Types of Bullying...
I remember that when I was in school there were 3 types of bullying categories, at least according to our school counselor;
Physical Bullying;
Probably the one we all think of when we think of the term bullying and, at least in my time in school, this was the most common, which as the name makes clear, is the type of bullying where the bully is physically aggressive to his victim's person or his belongings, this can include, punching, kicking (round-house and drop included), shoving, biting or pinching, karate chopping, punting, slapping, etc.
Wachi's Handling or Avoidance Tactics (WHAT);
As a kid I was bullied physically quite a bit for various reasons, I had big lips, I tripped over my words a lot, I was clumsy, I was liked by the Bully's crush, and my social status (or my parent's social status at the time as we were not so high class as it were, at least compared to the other student's parents). So as you can see young bullies had lots of silly things to choose from when it came to targeting me and there was no shortage or reasons for them to feel they could over power me.
Now taking that into account, I found a couple of ways to overcome the bullies, and yes they all worked for me. One way I would get bullies to back off was to be creepy or scary in how I spoke, what I spoke of, and how I acted, if bullies think you are more scary than weird they will think twice before messing with you, and when I say creepy I mean be a little disturbing, but do it in a believable way, you'd be surprised by how some will be too unnerved to act further. Another tactic of mine was actually talking it out, this resulted in a 50/50 success rate, if you make a convincing argument or bring up a different perspective some bullies may actually ponder their actions, now I am not saying, beg, cry, or grovel, NO, I mean bring up the situation you are in, dissect it in a simple manner and the bully may actually agree with you; now that isn't always reliable and despite not condoning it myself, young me found that fighting back usually got the message across best. Ok, now you may be thinking, "but I'm not a fighter" or "There's no way I could hurt them, let alone beat them" for that I tell you, I was a tiny scrawny kid who only knew how to badly imitate TMNT and Power Ranger fighting moves, but I did find running towards the bully and either tackling them or striking their nose with my palm was enough to get the message across; again, this is a final exception as you will most likely get in trouble by doing this, BUT the bully will most likely stop, on the off chance he still comes back for revenge that's when you will need to continue to show resilience as that will normally turn to respect, again this is a final option, but I actually befriended a lot of my childhood bullies because of this. (This led to avoiding a lot of future bullies as ex bullies now friends had my back, even if this doesn't happen to you, the buddy system is a huge protection from bullies, strength in numbers and all.)
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Verbal Bullying;
Just as Physical bullying, verbal bullying is not only common but quite self explanatory, tis when the bully is verbally aggressive towards his victim, such as name-calling, threats, taunting, teasing, etc. Basically using words to harm or insult others, racism, homophobia, or religious bashing all fit into this as well.
Wachi's Handling or Avoidance Tactics (WHAT);
As a kid and teen, I found this to be one of the most entertaining types of bullying to deal with; As an over-imaginative, sarcastic, and quick thinking individual, I would often get in trouble for constantly having the last word, and whilst this was a "weakness" against adults, bullies can't always retaliate. If a bullies verbal abuse was unique or tasteful I would praise him for thinking outside the box which either threw them off, made them call me a loser and walk away, or it began a battle of wits, which in my mind is no longer considered bullying as much as an argument to spice up an otherwise dull confrontation; if done poorly and generically I will call out the bully on his uninspired vocabulary, which will either result on the bully telling you to shut up and leaving or turn into a physical confrontation; when it was the latter it is still possible to talk your way out of it as easily as you did talk your way into it, however if you aren't silver tongued, then the previous WHAT tips are applicable, show the bully that they don't bug you, they will get the message, and even if they don't all future endeavors to bother you become more flattering than hurtful, I personally like to think of it as "Man, this person really likes me, I mean to take the time to observe me and study my quirks and habits just so he can construct something to say about me, spending more of their life on me than on themselves... How flattering♥" I feel with bullying overall, not just verbal, it is how you, the "victim", choose to take the bullying, act like a victim, the bully will feel powerful and more open to be worse to you, take it in stride and the bully will get bored with you, or their attempts will become laughable as time passes.
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Covert/Group Bullying;
This type of bullying is a bit more indirect, as far as the bullies are concerned, I say bullies, plural, as the title may imply it is usually done with a group of bullies, instead of a single assailant. Now his group of bullies will work together to make someone feel like an outsider. The victim, will usually be the subject of group ridicule, the butt of an unflattering rumor or joke, therefore making the victim feel like they are isolated and constantly ignored, insulted, or laughed at which would lead to feeling excluded from class games or activities. As I mentioned at the start a lot of this, this method is indirect, hence the secondary name of "covert" bullying, specifically because the bully or group of bullies provoking the behaviors won’t necessarily harass their victim(s) directly, but instead they encourage others do so in their stead (by using rumor mills and the like).
Wachi's Handling or Avoidance Tactics (WHAT);
So this type of bullying is a bit more difficult as the instigators are hidden from the spotlight. I personally have only once been affected by this type of bullying and it is not fun if you let how others see you dictate how you act. I recommend being observant for ring leaders without making it your main focus, that is to say check how people treat you on your day to day but don't obsess over it as you will fall into their plans of letting the situation get to you. I am loud and I am crazy, I will admit it, and I don't let rumors get to me (at least none have ever been made that I personally cannot handle) so I use my personality to win people back, but I don't make it my aim, I just chat and joke around with those around me, you'll see how soon the crowds of students tricked into mocking you will see you in a new light on their own account, and will treat you differently, if you keep your head down, or become violent, they will probably see that as 1) confirmation that the rumors are true or 2) get the desired response and will want to keep going with it, so be strong and more importantly be the you that YOU want to be, always.
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Cyber Bullying;
This form of bullying has basically been defined already, this form of bullying depends more on the medium where the same takes place rather than the type of actions being done towards a victim. As I previously alluded to in my opening, this form of bullying is one that involves any kind of harassment that takes place using digital technologies, such as cell phones, online forums/social media (internet), online gaming, etc. Due to the wide variety of mediums online this same type of bullying can be overt, covert, verbal, written, and much more. Perhaps the absolute worst thing about cyber bullying is that it can feel like there is truly no escape (as most of us live on the internet these days) and if someone posts something embarrassing or insulting about you to the world, there’s little you can do to get rid of it.
Wachi's Handling or Avoidance Tactics (WHAT);
Ok readers, I apologize ahead of time, as I mentioned, this is the one form of bullying I simply cannot comprehend myself, as attempts to embarrass me online have been ineffective; to me just like with any form of bullying, facing it in stride or ignoring it would be the best way of handling it. Once something is online it is there for all to see, so if you start freaking out, hating, yelling, whatever, that could all reflect badly on you as well. When being cyber bullied you must use self control with how you reply. there is no shame in blocking bullies if you cannot ignore them, you mustn't let trolls or online bullies cripple your use of devices you enjoy, and you can always disconnect for a while; I always think of cyber bullies as the biggest cowards of the bully world, they can only do this whilst behind a screen and probably live an empty life if they have nothing better to do than this. I will admit, I like to be harsh, honest, and at times sarcastic with "stupid" people online, but I don't let it bug me, if I feel like I am getting frustrated however, I simply take a break from the site(s), it isn't fear, it's simply you taking some time to breath and clear your mind.
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Fun extra "WHAT"s;
Something I did throughout my school years to avoid bullies (of all sorts) was turning them into a joke; How you may ask? Well simple, instead of crying or complaining about them I shared their attempts at bullying with others through hilarious mediums, for example, I wrote funny stories about the bullies' quirks and even made a ongoing comic strip about the 2 most annoying ones, and people loved it, from that moment forward many weren't even afraid of the once fearsome bullies because we had turned them into a joke, and they had no idea. So I say, don't let bullies break you down, no use that energy and have it mold you to be different, build your character, and overcome them. They are the ones suffering by being bullies, who says you need to go down with them.
My last tip is the one I use most these days and one that my girlfriend always reminds me of, and that's to "Kill em' with kindness"; there is nothing more shameful to an adversary than being helped or motivated by their once victim, to think they have to thank you, the person they felt superior to, teaching a bully humility is a wonderful way to get your message across without ever becoming a bully yourself.
Ooooor you could be extra "mature" and find a bully...
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| Look at him, Bully Carlos/Umberta has trapped poor Victim Rhys under a bucket of shame |
What do we do now class? That's right;
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| We capture the bully and subject him to suffer live burial as he did his victim |
After the bully has become submissive, you finish the deed and let the psychological trauma finish the life lesson ;
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| By working together we can have all the bullies buried and reign as the new, stronger bully race-- *ahem* I mean together and with the use of "tough love" even the harshest bully can be reformed :D |
After which you are now free and you all can celebrate #NoMoreBullies
Hahaha well I realize I may not be the greatest expert on this topic, but seeing how much society's youth is impacted by bullying DAILY, to the point where suicide is on the rise, I thought I'd give my 2 cents, nonsensical as they may be, I hope you found this to be humorous, and maybe even helpful; and remember, let no one crush who you are, always be and do what makes you happy, unless what makes you happy is to be a bully, then prepare to be buried alive ;)
Thanks so much all for sticking until the end of this post, I realize I may not seem like the most empathetic type as I am one to make light of things such as this when it happens to me (plus this was all over the place), but even so, I honestly think we need more compassion in this world and will do my part to add to that dream. That said, if any of you have some extra tips that I may have over-looked please feel free to comment or write me with them so we can expand the tips for any and all who may need them. Now go out and give someone a big hug, you never know, you could make someone's day a whole lot better, just don't grope them, as that leads to sexual harassment... and that's a whole other can of worms; practice safe hugging" :P
Much Love,
Wachi
This week I decided to make 2 paints, to show my passing of my quality exams here at work, they aren't my focus, but it still feels good, so this first one I barely passed as anything less than 85/80 is automatic failure, so I call it "I phucking passed my QA"!! I was even satisfied with this, seeing as I was never a huge over achiever in things that didn't interest me, such as this test, however.......
...Then came the second evaluation, 100% perfection, I like to call this paint "I phucking killed my QA" I even went super saiyan with joy (that's a thing yeah?); point is, I accomplished this by just using what I had learned and observed, not really paying attention, and my work was rewarded accordingly. So as stated above, don't live to pass the test, live to learn how to surpass expectations through your own merit.
